


a blessing and a curse

by no_more_hope (orphan_account)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Ficlet, Post-Canon, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 13:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13271982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/no_more_hope
Summary: Rey's always wanted a family... but this... it wasn't the right time.___Post TLJ fic. For some reason, it's not letting me tag that.





	1. a ripple of fear

It was supposed to be one inconsequential night. One night where they got to see each other without the boundaries of the force, without sides.

He didn’t mean for this to happen.

For a while, Kylo woke up to a dead bond. Rey had locked and bolted her mind down in a way that it was impenetrable. Even for him.

He distracted himself with ruling, although he stalled any attacks on the Resistance and focused on other planets, supplying its citizens with food, and creating an army that would serve the Order because they wanted to.

There was one night, though, where loneliness must’ve been too great for her and Kylo awoke during the middle of the night to a sharp rippling wave of fear. For once it wasn’t his. He turned to see Rey in his bed, but instead she was in the corner of the room, hands over her head, and knees tucked in, crying.

He jumped up immediately. “Rey? What’s wrong?” She looked up, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her nightshirt.

“You,” she hissed. “Go away,”

He wasn’t so easily dissuaded. “Did someone hurt you? Are you in danger?” She was silent. “Rey!”

“I’m not hurt or in danger.” She said. “Yet,”

_Yet._

Was this about something she had done? Kylo moved closer to her, kneeling on the ground across from her. “I told you to go away,”

“Rey-”

That’s when he heard it, through the force, something else.

_Her heart, and then… another._

“Rey you’re-”

“Yeah, I know.” She sniffed. Her hands were balled in fists at her sides now. _God, he was such a monster._

What could he stay?

There was nothing to say.

“A cruel trick of fate isn’t it? I’ve wanted a family for so long, Ben…” Her voice cracked. “But not like this. Not like this at all.”

The bond disintegrated.


	2. reunion

It was four months later when Rey received news of the First Order’s end. She was confused, at first, because no one would really tell her what happened to the First Order. She knew why. _She was pregnant, there was no need to stress a pregnant woman out_.

Still, she had to ask.

It was finally Rose who had told her. They were both in Rey’s rooms sitting on opposite sides of the bed when she found out just what happened. “They thought I would be the best one to tell you.” That wasn’t a good sign.

“And not Finn?” She sighed, “Sorry, that was rude.”

“No, it’s okay.” Rose smiled. “I honestly don’t know why I was the one that had to tell you in the first place.”

“And what was the thing you were going to tell me?”

“Kylo Ren, he’s in the custody of the Resistance.”

Silence.

“Rey?”

“How?”

“He was bringing everything down.” She said. “All of it, he was injured pretty badly. The General had shot him.” Rey’s breath caught, and she attempted to fight any tears from welling up in her eyes. _She hadn’t said he was dead. Calm down._

“Why wasn’t I told earlier?”

“His request. In case he didn’t make it through everything.”

“Why are you telling me now?”

“Because he’s awake now, and the first word out of his mouth was your name.” Rey bit her lip, not knowing what to think or how to process anything. This didn’t seem real. “You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to, it’s fine, but the option is open. Leia is already rallying for his exile instead of his execution. Right now he’s being confined to the medbay.”

How was this real?

There was a longing in her heart.

You should go to him, her brain said. Tell him more about the child, he deserves to know. “If you want.” Rose offered, “I can go with you.” Rey smiled at the gesture and looked down at her stomach.

“Thanks, but I’m tired.” She said. “I’d like to be alone.” Rose nodded and got up.

“See you later, Rey.”

“See you.” Rey smiled back and waved half-heartedly. “Tell Finn hi for me, will ya?”

“I will,”

Once Rey was alone she broke down crying. She couldn’t tell if it was from the hormones or her actual emotions finally finding their way up to the surface. Leia would know, she knows all about that stuff. Rey wanted to get up to call her, but the woman was busy and Rey didn’t want to interrupt her with her silly problems.

Instead she lay down, her head and back aching.

These days she could never really seem to get comfortable.

She closed her eyes, knowing that she was delaying the inevitable, but Kylo—Ben would be there in an hour or so, so she did. Her sleep wasn’t very restful, it never had been. In fact, she got up thirty minutes later, struggled to put her shoes on for a second, and walked out the door into the hallway.

It didn’t take her long to find out which medbay he was in.

This base had four of them.

Of course the bay he was in was all the way across the base. Rey almost groaned as she started walking in the direction of the medbay. She was glad she’d reached it without too much shortness of breath.

She stopped right in front of the doors.

Did she really want to go in there? Was she still mad at him? Rey took in a deep breath, remembering all the awful nights she had felt their girl growing inside her, and how lonely she had been. She’d wished he’d been there for the longest time.

“Rey.” Leia’s hand was on the shoulder. “You okay?”

“I… I don’t know.” Rey sighed. “I really don’t.”

“That’s okay,” She said. “You’ve got a lot going on.” God, she’s so nice. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

“It’s okay,” Rey had to go in alone. “It’s really okay, I appreciate the offer, but I just… I want to be alone when I see him.”

Leia gave her a hug and said, “I’ll be outside waiting.” Rey nodded.

Here went nothing.

Rey let down her side of the bond, fully.

He was the only person in the medbay. They must’ve taken everyone else out to make sure that no one would become a casualty. For a second, she couldn’t tell if he was awake or not, but his vital signs were normal.

She sat down by the side of his bed.

Ben, she prodded through the bond.

His eyes fluttered open, and his vital signs spiked as he tried to get up. “Ssh,” Rey got up and placed her hands on his chest, pushing him back into the bed. “Sit down, okay?” He did, but he didn’t look to happy about it.

“Hey,” His voice was hoarse.

She didn’t say hello back. “Do you want some water?” There was a glass of water on a night table in front of him. He nodded, and Rey grabbed the glass, holding it to his lips. He took a small sip and she put it back to the side.

Rey sat back in her seat as Kylo let his eyes adjust to the light, his eyes traveled down to her stomach, and he pursed his lips. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Rey put both of her hands in her lap, taking deep breaths in, holding them for a second, before sighing heavily. She wanted to talk more, to say something, but she didn’t know what to say. _Why the hell did you leave me? Why didn’t you come sooner? Why did you come now?_

“I didn’t leave you,” Kylo said. “You’re the one that chose the Resistance over me. We’ve gone over this a thousand times, Rey.”

“And have you never listened? I didn’t choose you over the Resistance, I didn’t choose anything, I just didn’t want the power, or the anger.” Her voice was shaky now. “But it seems that you don’t want that power now though. Why?”

“The child,”

“And not me?”

“You too.” Kylo took a deep breath in and then finished, “I don’t want to be an absent father.” Rey almost smiled at that, but remembered all the pain that he’d been through as a child. “Although I might not get a say in it.” That’s when Rey reached out her hand, placing it over his hand.

“Don’t say that, okay?” So much for not crying. Tears were streaming down her face. “Ben, if they don’t agree to your exile I’ll get you out of here myself.” Her voice was quiet, in case that someone was listening. He grabbed her hand, thumb rubbing circles in her skin.

“Don’t cry, please.”

“I can’t stop it,” She said. “I missed you.”

He was crying too, as quietly as he could. “I missed you too… I’m sorry I’m so stupid.”

Rey sniffed, and laughed. “You can be a bit of an idiot sometimes.” She stared at him. He looked so tired, and all Rey wanted to do was lay down with him and forget the rest of the her surroundings.

“Rey?”

“Hmm,”

“Can you tell me… about our child?”

“It’s a girl,”

A smile played at his lips. “Is she healthy?”

“Yes,” Rey nodded. “Really healthy, actually.”

The both of them went silent for a long moment before Rey leaned forward, and kissed him on the forehead. “I should go now. You need your rest.”

She was almost out of the medbay when she heard it, “I love you.” That didn’t help the tears, but at least the reason for them changed.

She turned, for just a second. “I love you too, Ben.”


End file.
